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A Guide To Letting Go Of Your Insecurities

By Maisa Salum-Kilaly


The utmost consistent battle any person fights is with themselves, we find ourselves either winning or losing but how often do we take a step back and reevaluate what we are truly battling against?

Innumerable times I have allowed my insecurities to deprive me of experiences, opportunities, relations and mental and emotional health because of how I felt about the way I look and who I am. Reluctance to go to events or interviews, cancelling plans with friends and dates, secluding myself in my home (only choosing to leave the house during late hours or quiet periods of the day to avoid seeing anyone) shows the critical thoughts affect emotional security.

A lesser part of me credits those thoughts as an internalisation of painful occurrences in life that have been witnessed or experienced and have been propelled by hurtful attitudes targeting me or those close to me – this is how the “critical inner voice” is formulated.

What we need to do is stop allowing other people’s viewpoints to become our internal dialogue since their point of views are not always substantiated. We should take the time to discover and embrace our sense of self as well as begin our journey towards self-love, we are way too young to give up on ourselves just yet.

I’m continually at woe with my aesthetic identified through my fluctuating weight, discarded grooming rituals, unkempt hair and tracksuit ensemble. We all let go of ourselves sometimes. I find that looking ragged on the outside typically mirrors feeling ragged on the inside. How do I overcome this? By making a choice about acceptance and change.

Sometimes we must accept where we are to get where we would like to be. I believe it is key to comprehend that our current states do not eradicate how beautiful we truly are. Although societal expectations usually push unrealistic standards of beauty, it can be defined in various ways and we all fit the criteria.

That day we spend pampering ourselves should not go unmissed because it can boost the way we feel about ourselves. Taking steps to get your nails done, endeavouring a new hairstyle, “beating” your face and threading your eyebrows stimulates endorphin, oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine – the “feel good” hormones. You won’t be searching for approval from others because you are content with where you are and who you are (this can advantageous in formulating relationships as you avoid seeking personal fulfilment in someone else). On the contrary, I have exercised spending that much longer getting ready and it has always been met with compliments which are uplifting. Compliments create positive energy and happiness that points out the best in others, giving compliments is just as instrumental to enhancing self-confidence and nourishing self-esteem.

Visiting a spa or a salon also triggers relaxation which is beneficial to reducing stress especially when you’re trying to enhance your self-esteem. You should also believe that you deserve it, we spend most of our time overthinking about the worst of us instead of trying to bring out the best.

Pampering also improves your productivity, by spending less time in hiding away you are distracting yourself from fears and insecurities brought on by the resentment you have for letting yourself go or lack of appreciation for oneself.

In Sherry Argov’s ‘Why Men Love Bitches’ she states that “a person’s self-respect is reflected in how he or she maintains physical appearance”. Your exterior showcases how much you value yourself. Haven't you got there? Well neither have I but let's fake it until we make it. By practising self-acceptance, at some point,  the acceptance of worthiness will happen.

Acceptance eventually leads to making progressive changes that can take you to where you want to be. Accepting your insecurities is a powerful move that you can use to your advantage, acting on your insecure feelings pushes you to make the changes that are necessary. It can be grating to hear someone say "If you're not happy, change it", use that as a means of creating a plan of action, anticipate what is contributing to your unhappiness, immediate steps that can be taken to change and the desired result. Don't look back, keep moving forward regardless of how it difficult it may be, difficult times are a concealment of opportunity, nothing that you are trying to achieve in life will happen overnight. Slow-moving progress is still progress.

I understand that insecurities cannot only be cured by spa treatments and that working on yourself from the inside out is just as important. Voyaging towards self-discovery is instrumental in attaining your sense of self. How must one do this?

Avoid neglecting your interests by making time for them, they can enhance not only the aspect of your life to do with recreation but also friendship, you may find someone with common interests or motivations as you.

Avoid not making time for friends, this takes away from being surrounded by people who truly understand you and is also an essential reminder of who you are.

Avoid forgetting about your skills and talents, you are gifted, reaching for your potential is so fulfilling. Who knows, you could be the next big thing.

Avoid abandoning your religion or spirituality because spending time with what you truly believe in can really make you feel centred and at peace. Nobody is perfect but it is worth working on this region when you feel like people have failed you since God never will.

Building your self-confidence is a journey worth taking, restore your life.

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