By Nicola Hare
Days before my
20th birthday and I’m overwhelmed. I found an old diary that
belonged to 10-year-old me and in this diary, she had a very different reality
of 20. Her 20 was the age that she would have everything figured out. She would
know what job she was doing, where she was going to live, she would be in a
serious relationship. She would essentially be secure in herself and her
future. So, when I sat down a few days ago, reading this diary, I was left
feeling a little disappointed.
Why? Well, I
don’t know what I’m going to do, I don’t know where I’m going to live, I’m not
ready for a serious committed relationship and plans for the future have never
been so grey. I don’t have it all figured out and days ago, that terrified me.
Kyoko Escamilla
said so eloquently: “your 20s are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to
immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and
all the aspects of you. Tinker with shit, travel, explore, love a lot, love a
little, and never touch the ground.”
As I dwelled on
Kyoko’s quote, I turned to the back of my old diary and created a new list, I
called it:
The New 20.
The year of memories. Whether that be a girl’s
night or a spontaneous trip to a spontaneous destination, a festival or a party
you didn’t really want to go to. I want to remember the adventures that were
spurred on by childish decisions, I want to remember laughing until I was in
pain, I want to remember the nights spent debating on topics that we were only
going to forget the next day. The hangover breakfasts and silly boys in the
clubs, I want endless memories. Granted, it’s nice to have your own money and
it’s good to save for the future by being responsible and sensible but no
amount of spending or earning can ever replace a good memory so find the right
people to make these memories with.
The year of experiences. Whether it is a small
opportunity or one that could be life changing. I want to embrace every
opportunity that comes my way, I want to learn from different experiences. I want
to take chances and experience the different things that life has to offer me.
Realise today that life owes you nothing, life is what you make it. Whether you
wake up happy or sad is all about how you choose to see the circumstances that
you’re in. If you don’t like it, change it. It’s that simple.
The year of embracing failure. I’ve realised that
the amazing thing about the beginning of a journey is that, you don’t have
anything to lose yet. The worst that can happen is a pile of rejection letters
which should only be a reason to get back up and try again. Every setback is a
step closer to your goal so apply for whatever you need to apply for and
embrace the chance of failure. In fact, use failure as a stepping stone for an
even greater goal. I’m ready for ‘no’ in my 20s because like a good friend once
told me: what is for you, will never pass you by.
The year of forgiveness. Whether that be a lost
friend or lover, an absent father or mother. It’s easy to convince ourselves that
certain lost relationships have not affected who we are but I’ve come to learn
that I could not have been more wrong to believe that. My 20s are my time which
means I’m not forgiving to set the other person free, I’m forgiving to set
myself free. A new decade is a time for a clean slate. I’m choosing not to drag
my past into my new 20.
The year of relationships. You read right, plural.
There’s this misconception that we’re supposed to find our soulmate at the age
of twelve. My friends and I keep talking about these serious and non-serious
candidates and the truth is, the more I think about it, the more I question
whether I’m a serious candidate. Am I ready for a fully committed relationship?
No. This is our time, ladies, to figure out what we like, what we dislike, what
traits we would like in our partners. This is the time to figure out our
boundaries, our values and if we’re lucky enough to find them in a man, then
let’s go but if not, do not project what you want into a man that isn’t for
you.
The year of me. The only relationship that I need
to work on is the relationship with myself. Before I can claim that I love
somebody, I need to love myself fully for who I am. So, I’m going to treat myself,
take myself out to dinner or the cinema, do the things I’ve always wanted to do
without depending on others and just explore. Give myself time to myself,
whether that be for productive reasons or to just to give myself a moment of
peace. This is your life, this is the
beginning of your journey so take off the shackles from your parents,
ridiculous standards and toxic relationships and friendships. Find yourself in
liberation.
The more I
dwell on the number 20, the more ridiculous I think 10-year-old me was. What, I
wonder, gave me the idea that the number 20 somehow warranted immediate life
organisation, achievements, a stable, serious relationship when in fact, I’ve
just pressed play on my life. I am just about to finish university, I undergo
experiences that teach me about myself on a daily basis, I’m still learning
about the world and myself. 20 is the beginning of the journey, 20 is the
building of foundation, it is the exploration of self and others, it is the
time for self-growth, it is our time to live because the only commitment we
have is to ourselves.
What is for
you, will not pass you by and this is my mantra as I step into my new 20. I’ve
decided to embrace my selfish years and live. 20 is just the beginning, the
start of making memories, taking risks and exploring myself and the world
because the reality is that I have nothing to lose but everything to gain. So,
here’s to 20, the beginning of plenty!
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